


even if it kills me

by symbiote-rk (markimoan)



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Misgendering, Trans Gavin Reed, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gavin's got a lot of problems, i can stop at any time, i'm making this work even if it kills me, instead of big bang writing and editing i'm doing this, this is my holiday work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 03:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16966917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markimoan/pseuds/symbiote-rk
Summary: Gavin's got a lot on his mind. Work, meds, even keeping up with Conan and his strange addictions. Then there's the added bonus that the department is split, women with Captain Arya Kafka and men with Fowler. This leads to a dispute of where Gavin should go, but it doesn't end pretty.tl;dr, Gavin goes with Kafka and everything goes to shit.





	1. meeting gavin

“How do you feel being here, Miss Reed?” the woman across from Gavin asks, her stance poised in contrast to Gavin’s laid-back posture. Her head is held high, nose in the air and blue eyes glaring daggers at him. He fidgets with his dress shirt, still unused to wearing skirts and heels to work. “Well? Surely you must like it better than when you worked at that god-awful police department with all those rowdy men. Here, you can get things done and not worry about overloading amounts of testosterone blocking your senses.”

“I just want to go back. I told Fowler that I would come back as soon as possible, and you’re refusing to let me go. I’m not even a woman, so stop referring to me as Miss!” Gavin shouts, standing up out of his chair and throwing his hands in the air. “My name is Gavin, so refer to me as such. Mister Gavin Reed, not that godawful name you insist on giving me. I haven’t gone by that in years.” His chest tightens, feeling the weight of what he had really settle in. Breasts, a considerable lack of downstairs equipment, curves and a feminine figure he tried to fix with back-alley surgeries. His legs are covered in bug bites from being outside without pants, feeling extremely uncomfortable being forced to turn in all his ‘offending’ clothing such as his t shirts and jeans, and now with this lady calling him by a name he changed over fifteen years ago and refusing to acknowledge the name he wanted to have.

“Gabrielle, you know that we can’t go that route. Now, Connie and Cora are here to help you. They’re going to integrate you into the department. Ladies, if you could see Detective Reed to her desk please?” Two androids walk in, and Gavin’s heart stops. Oh HELL no. One looked exactly like Connor, soft face, freckles smattered on her face and shoulders, arms bare below the elbow to show milky skin, soft hands and nails painted a bright blue to match her uniform’s emblem, differentiating her as an android. Her face held a certain amount of sympathy, giving her a once over with her dark umber eyes, her twin giving the same look with icy blues. Cora looked like Gavin’s android Conrad, her bright red hair coming down her face in a bob while Connie’s was tied back into a loose ponytail. Cora had freckles on her cheeks, dotting over her nose and on her forehead, cheeks a soft periwinkle like her sister. They guide Gavin out of the office and into an almost exact replica of the Detroit precinct he called home for the past 15 years. Everything looked the same, desks in the same L-shaped pairs, detectives and other officers picking up phones, and one detective in particular who he recognized almost immediately.

“Lieutenant Anderson?” Gavin asks, and the woman raises her head from her desk. Her blue eyes look tired and lifeless, grey hair limp and in a messy ponytail much unlike Connie’s. Her face lightens considerably, seeing as she gets up to embrace Gavin and Connie in a tight embrace. “Lieutenant?”

“My girls! I thought I lost you two!” Catherine (as her plaque states) holds them closer, Connie’s face going a bright blue, thirium flooding her cheeks, nose and ears. Gavin goes pink in the face when Catherine kisses his cheek, his hands finally finding their places on Connie and Catherine’s hips. “Oh, I was worried sick! I heard the you had to go undercover, Gabi. How does it feel being home now?”

“Home? This isn’t home, I’m sorry. You must have mistaken me for someone else. My home isn’t here.” Gavin tries to get out of Catherine’s grasp but as Connie pulls herself away, Catherine drags the detective to an interrogation room. “Look, Lieutenant, I know that you mean well, but at the same time, I don’t belong here.”

“Yeah, no shit honey. You even walk like a man. Don’t know why they’d throw you here.” Catherine gives Gavin a once-over, just like the one he gave the woman in the office and shakes out her ponytail, revealing the same tired Lieutenant that Gavin worked with day-in and day-out in the outside world. “Look, we didn’t know I was gonna be taken out. I did my transitioning a long time ago, years before you were even a twinkle in your mother’s eye. I had everything changed, but they found the discrepancy in my papers that I was still seeing someone about the downstairs, and they sent me out here. I had to make a big scene out there so they knew I was in here and knew what I was doing.” Catherine- no, Hank gave Gavin a soft smile, his eyes relaxing from their tense stare. “You’re a good kid, Reed. You know your stuff, just think that you’re undercover again and this time, when we pull you out, you’ll be going home. Your real home.”

Gavin sighs and hugs Hank tightly, whispering thanks in his ear, nestling his face in the elder’s neck. “You are a lifesaver. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Hank hugs him back, smiling into Gavin’s unruly curled hair. They stay like that for a couple minutes until Connie opens the door, informing them that the captain has requested they get back to work. Hank and Gavin slowly exit the room, following the perky android and leave her and Cora to do their work, subjecting themselves to the work they have in front of them. “So, androids having to keep us in check? This is like the 29th all over again…” he mutters under his breath, Hank chuckling as the words carry to his desk. “Who do I see about getting a desk change? Sitting here away from you is a bit of a bummer, Lieutenant.”

“I would suggest going and seeing Arya, but I doubt you’ll get anywhere with it.” Hank replies effortlessly, retracting his male persona to the more feminine approach he originally had. He ties his hair back, keeping a straight face as he snags a piece between his rings and goes back to work, leaving Gavin to do the same. Connie and Cora cluster with a few other androids, making their approach to Gavin and Hank. “I mean, go for it, Detective. Who am I to say no to your preferences? I won’t stop you.” Catherine returns to her work, ignoring Gavin and leaves him to tie his hair back into a ponytail like Connie’s as the androids surround his desk.

“Am I able to get in contact with the captain? It’s kind of important.” Gavin says softly, trying to pitch his voice a bit higher. The treatments never worked, he naturally had a deep voice, but the way everything was phrased sounded too masculine, so he went with it. Until now. “Please? I just want to talk to her about a different assignment.” Cora shakes her head, Connie putting her hand on Cora’s arm.

“We can ask, but we cannot give you a definite answer until we know for sure --”

“No. Absolutely not, Detective Reed. You have only just started working here, and you will stay at this desk until the captain sees fit.” Connie smacks her arm against Cora’s, looking offended. “I’m doing exactly as the captain said. Keep Gabrielle in line and don’t give in to her tactics. She’s a false officer, not the true detective that she says she is.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here, you oversized, glorified toaster!” Gavin snarls, and Cora shrugs as she steps behind Gavin and his vision goes dark.


	2. Chicken, Detective?

The talk with the captain is nothing short of ordinary, her voice firm, finalizing her decision, but Gavin refuses to budge. “No, Detective Reed. I’m not authorizing this.” She looks him up and down, scoffing and leaving him shellshocked. “Absolutely not.”

His hair is more put together, pulled into a braid, makeup delicately put on his face. His lips lined a soft pink, eyes a pale orange and yellow and with a generous amount of liner that gives the illusion that he knows what he’s doing. His clothes are immaculate, not a strand of hair or piece of fabric out of place, and yet he can’t get anything right. His straightener broke a day in because he had no idea how the thing worked, he’s been late three times due to oversleeping (record to his 57 tardies in the 29th), twice because of fashion mishaps (Cora wouldn’t let him leave his room without changing the type of heels he was wearing three times, Connie wanted to upgrade his wardrobe and ended up making it almost worse than it was), and once due to his own carelessness (he accidentally spilled coffee all over himself and needed to change otherwise no one would look at him). He had a near perfect record compared to his past record, and to be honest with himself, he liked this record a lot more.

Her voice is hardened, keeping a straight face as Gavin tries to explain. “You have shown poor work ethics, so I am well within my rights to deny this request. I will not allow a troubled officer like you to go out into the world like this.”

“Captain, if I may, I’m sorry. I have done considerably better here in this office than I did out there in the city. Please, let me go out just this once. I can convince Captain Fowler that we need all the evidence on this case. I need the evidence and I can’t get it if you refuse to let me retrieve it!” His outburst gathers the attention of Hank, Connie and Cora, and Catherine mutters an order under her breath to get the androids away from the action. “Please, Captain! I’ll even take an android so they can record where I go and can confirm that I’m going to the precinct and then coming back here!”

“Fine, you have two hours, and if I hear so much as a complaint from Cora or Captain Fowler I’m putting you on room arrest!” Gavin smiles brightly, showing off pearly whites lined with pink and grabs the redhead. “Cora, watch Miss Reed please!” Gavin gives a laugh when he runs up to his room, Cora hot on his heels as he grabs a bag and stuffs the offending shoes in it.

“Detective, what are you doing?!” Cora asks offendedly when Gavin throws on the single pair of jeans and a battered t shirt on his body, keeping his chest the way it is. “You can’t wear those, they’re contraband here!” Gavin rolls his eyes and ties Cora’s hair back, giving her a sundress and demands that she changes. “Please, we can figure this out without the drastic clothing change. Now please, tell me what’s going on!”

“We’re going to the outside. I have to go to my old precinct and get evidence for a case Lieutenant Anderson and I are working on.” Gavin ties his hair up higher, encasing it in a cap and pulls a short wig over it, giving himself his old look back. “Now, we have to go now if we don’t want to be seen in the next fifteen seconds.” He breaks into a run, Cora keeping with him as they get out of the building and onto the street. “Direct me to the 29th precinct please?” Cora sighs and gives directions, going down side streets until he reaches the familiar building, an equally familiar motorbike leaning on its kickstand. “You wait here, I’ll get the evidence and then I need to go to my old apartment. Okay?”

“But Detective—”

“Great!” Gavin goes into the precinct, using his old badge and ID he kept in his jeans to get past the receptionist, ignoring her commands to stop. “Captain Fowler?” The man turns, seeing Gavin standing far straighter than he had seen the detective do in all fifteen years of knowing him. His arms are behind his back, almost as if he were rocking on his feet, clothes in perfect condition. His hair was combed back, gel put in just enough to give a composed appearance. His voice is pitched slightly higher too, as if altered. “Captain, I was sent by the 31st precinct to get evidence on the Cook case, as well as the Burnett case. Would you be so inclined as to get it, or have an android retrieve it from the Archives?” The captain shakes his head, not believing what he’s hearing. Gavin, speaking to him in a civil manner? “Captain, I’m not joking. Please get me the evidence.”

Jeffrey Fowler, in all fifteen years of knowing the one, the only Gavin Richard Reed-Kamski, he has never known the detective to be nice or polite in any manner. Never a please nor thank you has passed that man’s lips until today, and it is still a mystery as to how he learnt how to be polite. Gavin cocks his hip to one side, one bushy brow arching high on his face as he crosses his arms in front of him, giving off the persona he had when he worked under Jeffery. “I’m sorry, I’ll get right on that, Reed. Connor, to my office?” His voice is softer, more dulcet as the android in question comes through the door, no questions asked. “Get this detective the evidence for the Burnett and Cook cases please?” Connor turns on his heels, stopping to take in Gavin’s appearance before giving a simple compliment.

“Nice shoes, Detective. They match your eyes.” Gavin sputters out a demand for Connor to shut up, his face going bright pink as the leather clad android laughs and walks out, another familiar face coming in to ask a question before-

“Gavin!” He’s picked up in the air, arms wrapped around his middle tightly as he feels a face press into his chest, a vibrating sound going through him. “Oh, Gavin, I missed you so much!” Conrad’s hair is a tad longer, falling more in his eyes like Connor’s did, his face slimming out more than before. Maybe it was the collar being gone, or Connor really did a number on his successor to fix him up. His grey eyes are sparkling, much different to how stoic he was before, face hardened by Kamski and his lackeys, now softer and more open to others and to change. Connor watches with the folder and evidence in his hands, Fowler handing the items to Gavin. “Please tell me you’re coming back! The precinct isn’t the same without you…”

“I called dibs on your bike, so you’ll have to fight me for it back, Detective.” Connor states, letting a hand run through his unruly hair. It’s curled, much like Gavin’s, and gives him more humanity than his humility and humbleness could ever offer. He stands like how Hank does, weight shifted to one side or the other, hands resting comfortably on his hips as if it were his natural stance. The two androids give each other a knowing look, Gavin smiling and holding onto Conrad as the android puts him down. “Alright Detective, here’s your evidence, now get out of the office.” Gavin gives a chuckle, letting Conrad hold onto him a bit longer before turning to Fowler.

His voice gets softer, less aggressive and his eyes even soften. “Would you be so inclined as to ask the captain at the 31st if she could transfer Lieutenant Anderson and I back here? It doesn’t feel right working for her.” Jeffery considers, seeing Gavin giving his all and even giving him puppy dog eyes. Nothing in this scenario spelt out trouble, so he nodded and Gavin gives a large, genuine smile. “Thank you, Captain Fowler!” Conrad clings to Gavin, the detective walking out with the android attached to him. “Connor, I would like my keys back to my bike, please and thank you.” Connor stutters out a noise, complying with his request and drops the keys in his hand, Conrad immediately perking up when Gavin gives another laugh. “Thank you, tin can. Go on and make your Lieutenant’s desk look nice.” Connor gets to work, Conrad following Gavin like a lost puppy. “Have fun, tin can!” And with that, he leaves the precinct with an android and Cora. “We have the evidence, and-“

“You asked to be transferred. The Captain will be notified that you went against your directive and you are to be given the proper consequences.” Cora says, keeping her voice level. “You violated Rule 145.79; when out on missions, refuse or deny any transfers to other careers in efforts to terminate your stay with the Department.” Gavin rolls his eyes, Cora’s face staying the same until Conrad gets ahold of her arm. “Bringing stray androids is strictly forbidden in the Department!”

“He’s with me, Cora. He was my android before your wackjob captain plucked me out!” Gavin looked outraged, glaring daggers at Cora as Conrad keeps his mouth shut and eyes on the detective, the three walking in almost perfect silence until Gavin’s stomach growls. “Would you be opposed to letting me get food, Cora?” His voice is quiet again, soft and gentle. “I would like to eat something before going back to the Department, and I know that the Captain would be opposed to me going on a lunch break when I had ample time on the outside to get food as well as accomplish the task at hand.” Cora grumbles under her breath, allowing Conrad and Gavin to pull her off the main street and down a side road to a row of restaurants. Gavin’s eyes linger on one and Conrad takes it as a move to go in, the redheaded android following.

The restaurant is a small joint on the outside, plain in color with a simple sign that read That Place on the Corner. There’s a man sitting in the corner, bundled in a light sweater and a blanket over his legs, glasses perched low on his nose, almost falling off his face. His cheeks are a dusky pink, hazel eyes directed at the book in his hand; Asimov’s I, Robot. There’s a woman next to him, curled into his side as he reads to her, pale blue eyes staring at nothing as auburn hair cascades over her eyes, her voice soft as his projects loud enough for her to hear.

“ _They were bronzy gleams of smooth motion against the shadowy crags of the airless asteroid. There was a marching formation now, and in their own dim body light, the roughhewn walls of the tunnel swam past noiselessly, checkered with misty erratic blobs of shadow—_ oh hi! I’m Bryan, what can I do for you today?” Bryan, the man with the blanket, says, the woman still smiling and staring right at Cora with unnerving eyes. “Don’t mind Amelia, she never knows where she’s looking. Darling, put your head down if you want.” The woman – Amelia – complies, her eyes slipping shut and her hair falling over her face again. “Sorry, she doesn’t have her glasses, our cat hid them on us and now we can’t find them.” His voice is a tad louder than Gavin would like, wincing a small bit and Bryan reaches for his ear. “I’m sorry, the place gets so quiet I turn it down.” He gestures to something on the side of his head, Conrad recognizing as a cochlear implant that wove behind his ear and onto the back of his head. “What can I do for you?” Gavin stutters out an obscure food item, Bryan’s face lighting up as he rushes to the register. “Of course! I can get that to you in a few minutes, just let me run back there. Please, have a seat anywhere.” Gavin takes a seat by the window, Cora and Conrad sitting in front of him.

Cora breaks the silence, clearing her throat as the two men look at her. “Miss Reed- Detective. I feel as though I should apologize for snapping at you outside the precinct as I was out of line and you didn’t deserve that harsh of treatment. I fully recognize that you feel the immense need to transfer, but I believe that you should talk to the Captain about transferring, though she will always say no as the Department needs more female workers before you can resume working there.” Gavin nods as she continues. “Furthermore, I would also request that you take Connie and I with you."

Gavin sits there in shock, watching as Cora stands up and goes on, smiling at him as she speaks.

"We have been in that department for years after the revolution, and you being as you are and acting toward us as humans and not machines is very jarring for some of us. We have dealt with abuse for years and knowing that there is someone who can treat us the way they treat humans is different than to how they have in the past. I can speak for both Connie and myself when I say thank you for this opportunity to give us a chance to be human.” Bryan comes by with Gavin’s food, thanking them for coming in because ‘my wife wouldn’t let me stop reading until someone showed up’ and Gavin laughed, saying that it was the least they could do so he could get a small break.

Conrad had wandered off partway through the talk, sitting with Amelia and picks up where Bryan left off, the woman leaning into the strong body next to her as he reads in a calming voice about the artificial life that surrounds those in the novel. Bryan sits with them, listening to Conrad talk as long as he can until it gets to be too hard and looks over his shoulder, reading along. Gavin smiles, taking a picture for future reference and pulls his bag to the side, grabbing the notebook he brought with him and begins to sketch the scene in front of him, gentle flicks of the pencil turning to graceful curves until the snap of the lead breaks him from his concentration. Instead of the three sitting by the window, the sketch depicts him and Hank, holding hands and baring their scars together, Hank’s face holding a look of fondness and Gavin’s holding one of exaltation.

Gavin smiles, Cora mirroring his emotion and he laughs, a bright sound that fills the silent café with smiles. “Your smile is a wonderful thing, Detective. I think that you might finally be growing on us after all. Connie tries to smile more naturally and not the forced ones you see. She even laughs! Laughter is a rare thing in the Department, yet there she is, laughing as if it’s nothing and comes as easy as pumping thirium.” Gavin gives another laugh, Bryan catching the sound faintly as he lets out a chuckle of his own, his breathy laugh mixing with Gavin’s and the rest of the café relaxes into a more open space. “You have the capacity of lighting up my circuits whenever you smile and treat me like a human."

Gavin can't help the smile that comes to his face so hard he fears that his cheeks would break, the smile hurting his face, but the happiness warming his chest was definitely worth it.


End file.
